I have assisted many people to find deeper meaning in their lives and grasp a better understanding of who they are and why they struggle, however, lately I have been faced with a paradox that has been quite perplexing and at times, even disturbing.

It seems that this same gift, which at one time had helped and inspired some of the people I love most, had now become threatening to them at times, and a negative had started to grow inside me.

I found myself questioning my path because of the distance I was beginning to feel from the myriad of questions and concerns I was getting from them, with the lyrics of a popular ‘80s song “Should I stay or should I go now?” by the Clash, ringing in my head.

In my efforts to find deeper understanding of the world around me, a peculiar irony resulted.

I was feeling more and more misunderstood from the ones I love, a feeling that had fueled me at one time in my life but now it just hurt.

And so for a time, I struggled with a train of thought that I believe most of us struggle with, looking for a black and white answer to a problem that is very much grey.

It was then that I remembered that there are three sides to every coin, not just two, with that third perspective sitting neatly in between two seemingly opposing sides.

What was that third side for me, what was I failing to see?

It seems that in my desire to be better understood by the people I hold dearest to my heart, I had lost sight of one important point; I was not being understanding of them.

In my quest to better understand the macro, I had temporarily lost sight of the micro.

Of course they would not always understand me at times, how could they?

I have chosen to walk a path that is quite different to many and yet the same to some, a path that is guided by questions and not just answers.

Yes, I was feeling distance and hurt but so were they, and for a brief time I got caught up in that all too familiar battle of who’s right and who’s wrong.

So rather than succumbing to my initial feelings and withdrawing my love because of the perceived hurt I felt inside, I now see this as an opportunity to apply what I’ve learned about love instead, by choosing to understand them, despite my need for them to better understand me.

And now I can stay, and, I can also go.

What are your thoughts? (comments below)


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  1. Paul Storey says


    A reminder for me that the individual path to mindfulness and happiness is often difficult, for love ones, to understand and relate to.

    Those around you wonder “What the…?”

    It is also very difficult to explain to those who don’t understand the path (without sounding arrogant). But it is not impossible.

    Living in a world of “updates”, I have communicated some of my own, with some of my family and friends. I aim to get better at this in the future.

    Stay calm and carry on!

    Thanks Timo


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